Thank you for linking to Lauren Theisen’s excellent Defector piece on whether we (queer folks, leftists) should be getting guns right now. One thing not listed in her article, but I hope folks take into account as they weigh whether or not to purchase one: the person you’re most likely to shoot with a gun is yourself. If folks are in such a fearful mindset that only a gun could solve it, they are not in the mindset to have a gun in their home. The risk is simply too great.
I, as a person who periodically struggles with thoughts of self-harm, have no desire to own a gun and am actively opposed to having one in my home. BUT I have increasingly thought that maybe I should learn to shoot (in some venue that provides the gun) because I am concerned that "people who know how to use a firearm" skews hard to the right. And I hate that if I for some reason encountered a gun I don't even know how to pick it up and take it to a safe place responsibly! Like, if I found a gun on the ground I'd basically treat it like a land mine at this point.
Also honestly target shooting sounds maybe fun? Maybe not. I have no idea. Maybe the article will clarify my thinking.
But even if I try it out and decide that target shooting is my new favorite thing in the whole world, I'm never gonna have a gun in my home because I know it's not safe for me.
I struggle daily with the same feeling about clothes and I was constantly buying duplicate items of things that fit decently. It’s a feeling of desperation for me, like a sinking feeling. I mostly end up having to sign up for “back in stock” alerts and then it seems like one item appears back in stock and I never act quickly enough to buy it.
I’m glad you are trying different pants. Is it okay if I ask what brand? Thanks for your writing and for being an inspiration.
JFC. Essays like this are why I subscribe. Quotes like this are why I happily pay to subscribe: "But I do think both of these urges are driven by anxiety and fear and I think it’s worth noticing who profits when I’m scared and anxious, whether that fear is being defenseless against bodily harm or being uncomfortable in my own skin."
For the last 5+ years, fear and anxiety and scarcity shit has entirely driven my purchases, clothes especially. I'm working on it. This essay, these words, your work, helps. I can't thank you enough for the generosity of your honesty and vulnerability.
Okay, so yesterday my order from Conscious Clothing arrived that doubled the number of their linen midi skirts I have from two to four in different colors. I remain all in on my multiples-in-different-but-harmonious-colors strategy. I like having a uniform silhouette that I can mix and match easily and know I will feel comfortable and confident in whatever I throw together.
AND ALSO I know that this past winter and spring I have been hyperfocusing on my clothing, makeup, hair, etc. as a way to cope with the stress of working full time in a job indirectly (so far) but significantly by the current administration while raising an energetic toddler and dealing with chronic illness. I know that my impulse to buy more of what I know works comes from the scarcity mindset developed by my past preteen self dressed like my teachers at a middle school dance because those were the only clothes that fit. And I know that looking good won’t actually protect me from bad things happening.
So for now I am just trying to keep an eye on this impulse to focus on my wardrobe etc. and consider whether it is bringing me more pleasure or stress. Right now it’s more pleasure, but if that changes I will change my approach too.
So first off, those jeans look so perfect and I loved the various iterations you showed. The jacket ensemble was inspired. Second, I’m all with you on trying not to buy multiples but rather aiming for variation. That said, jeans are the one item I definitely buy 2 of if I deeply adore a pair. That’s because jeans are so finicky and also because I wear them over multiple years. I find I wear them absolutely to death so that seems worth it. I usually get one pair and then wait for the second pair to go in sale, as that’s how long it takes for me to know I’ve found a good pair. Although I have noticed trends speeding up recently and that’s pissing me off. It doesn’t feel like a genuine trend if it lasts 5 minutes. I like to dig in for a few years. Also I’m just not interested in cycling back to skinny jeans any time soon. Slow it down! Thanks for the great article.
I’ve been very tempted to buy up everything I like from the Uniqlo U collection(AW24) designed by Lemaire (they’ve been doing them for almost 10 years) because there’s been talk going around that the line is not going to be continued since the focus is on Clare Wright Keller as artistic director. What’s holding me back is that 1) I’m quite stressed out by the idea of having even more clothes; 2) I want to limit how much I spend on big brands and 3) I have a budget I’m trying to stick to. And yet a part of me is like “this is your last chance! Buy it all!” But it’s true that something beautiful always comes along…
I’m gonna dissent & say yes buy multiples of things you love! I think the west coast mindset of MAHA/new age/The Secret/Abraham Hicks manifestation word salad that I’ve lived adjacent too and amongst for over 15 years has me bristling a bit at labeling this as “scarcity mindset” 😂 Why is being afraid a bad thing? But is it really a scarcity mindset when you and others like Virginia and Dacy point out that clothes just aren’t well designed or easy to find for real bodies?
I’ve also lived semi rurally my whole life, homesteaded for much of that time, part of which was on a hard to get to island so even trying to access clothes or goods was challenging so there was no guarantee -plus sensory issues also make me very glad for multiples. This is the exact reason I got on Poshmark for the first time in 2017 to find a second pair of secondhand jeans I’d found & loved. Just the other day I was complimenting my earlier self 🤪 for buying multiples in multiple size of my fave tank from Target - which I wear almost daily as a first layer & now they’ve altered it to such a point the reviews are terrible.
BUT THE DOG!!! Why have we not seen this gorgeousness before?
I too am working out my thoughts on multiples and seeing how they work for me. One thing I have realized - a big part thanks to your musings - is that I don't wear the same thing in different colors. Two pairs of the same pants in black? Yes. In black and in grey? Won't wear the grey ones.
I struggle with this so so much, especially pants! The era of high rise mom jeans had finally given me pants that fit and the new trends of mid and low rise give me BIG pants anxiety.
I'm curious what you consider to be "buying multiples"? Bc it sounds like you were thinking of buying the jeans in blue instead of black? Buying things in different colors and prints has usuallh worked out for me (I have several pairs of linen pants from Nettle studios and I think 4 flor dresses now), but it's when I buy the exact same thing in the same color that it doesn't usually work out. Like if Im putting pants with the tags still on up on the shelf in my closet for when the current ones die, that's no good. But if I find a good deal on a pair of pants that fit well, I'm definitely getting two colors haha.
Also what are the new jeans that are on fheir way to you now??
Great piece - I struggle with all of this as well. I often buy any pair of pants that will look remotely tailorable to my size/needs and often end up with “men’s” pants that I simply can’t Frankenstein down to my size. I just recently bought the Nettles Tale Campbell pant in both colours because I finally found something that works. I feel you. And now that I’m in two different types of therapy (lol) I’m starting to understand that a lot of my decisions are made by shame and fear and everything tangled up in there. Side note: I can’t believe how small your closet is in relation to what you do!! Did you ever find an organization solution or make any changes?
THIS. Oh my God, this. You have identified and encapsulated the reason why I shop. This and the perfectionism native to my ADHD. Having lived with an impossible body for a long time -- I'm a rectangular apple with a long torso, and thank you JJill for being the first brand to have my back consistently! That feeling of NOTHING WILL FIT ME leads me to buy multiples of the same brand on many an occasion. Happily, I've been buying from Thredup.com for years now and there are lots of used items that fit just fine but the basic ANXIETY is still present.
Loved this post, and the perfect articulation of what I've been feeling for ages - which is that urge to buy more of something because it's so rare to find clothes that both fit my body and that I LOVE.
But one thing that I've noticed has been helping deprogram my brain on this front is thrifting. Every time is truly one of a kind, and I definitely won't find another? It's been fun to spend more time in 2025 thrifting (and less/no time buying new clothes) and seeing what comes up with this small change.
I’m going to be thinking about “Who profits when I feel anxious/scared?” for a long time.
This!!!!
Yes, this is powerful.
Yep. That’s the bottom line.
Thank you for linking to Lauren Theisen’s excellent Defector piece on whether we (queer folks, leftists) should be getting guns right now. One thing not listed in her article, but I hope folks take into account as they weigh whether or not to purchase one: the person you’re most likely to shoot with a gun is yourself. If folks are in such a fearful mindset that only a gun could solve it, they are not in the mindset to have a gun in their home. The risk is simply too great.
That makes so much sense!
I clearly need to read this article.
I, as a person who periodically struggles with thoughts of self-harm, have no desire to own a gun and am actively opposed to having one in my home. BUT I have increasingly thought that maybe I should learn to shoot (in some venue that provides the gun) because I am concerned that "people who know how to use a firearm" skews hard to the right. And I hate that if I for some reason encountered a gun I don't even know how to pick it up and take it to a safe place responsibly! Like, if I found a gun on the ground I'd basically treat it like a land mine at this point.
Also honestly target shooting sounds maybe fun? Maybe not. I have no idea. Maybe the article will clarify my thinking.
But even if I try it out and decide that target shooting is my new favorite thing in the whole world, I'm never gonna have a gun in my home because I know it's not safe for me.
I struggle daily with the same feeling about clothes and I was constantly buying duplicate items of things that fit decently. It’s a feeling of desperation for me, like a sinking feeling. I mostly end up having to sign up for “back in stock” alerts and then it seems like one item appears back in stock and I never act quickly enough to buy it.
I’m glad you are trying different pants. Is it okay if I ask what brand? Thanks for your writing and for being an inspiration.
I’ll share the new pants once I get them! Hopefully Monday.
okay thank you I was like Corinne. You're so smart and dreamy. Love this line of inquiry. ALSO. WHAT. ARE. THESE. NEW. PANTS.
JFC. Essays like this are why I subscribe. Quotes like this are why I happily pay to subscribe: "But I do think both of these urges are driven by anxiety and fear and I think it’s worth noticing who profits when I’m scared and anxious, whether that fear is being defenseless against bodily harm or being uncomfortable in my own skin."
For the last 5+ years, fear and anxiety and scarcity shit has entirely driven my purchases, clothes especially. I'm working on it. This essay, these words, your work, helps. I can't thank you enough for the generosity of your honesty and vulnerability.
Thank you so much for this comment! <3
I'm just here to request that the cute little gray pittie appear in more outfit photos with you!
That’s bunny 💜
Okay, so yesterday my order from Conscious Clothing arrived that doubled the number of their linen midi skirts I have from two to four in different colors. I remain all in on my multiples-in-different-but-harmonious-colors strategy. I like having a uniform silhouette that I can mix and match easily and know I will feel comfortable and confident in whatever I throw together.
AND ALSO I know that this past winter and spring I have been hyperfocusing on my clothing, makeup, hair, etc. as a way to cope with the stress of working full time in a job indirectly (so far) but significantly by the current administration while raising an energetic toddler and dealing with chronic illness. I know that my impulse to buy more of what I know works comes from the scarcity mindset developed by my past preteen self dressed like my teachers at a middle school dance because those were the only clothes that fit. And I know that looking good won’t actually protect me from bad things happening.
So for now I am just trying to keep an eye on this impulse to focus on my wardrobe etc. and consider whether it is bringing me more pleasure or stress. Right now it’s more pleasure, but if that changes I will change my approach too.
Oof, yes, this for me fucking too: "And I know that looking good won’t actually protect me from bad things happening."
So first off, those jeans look so perfect and I loved the various iterations you showed. The jacket ensemble was inspired. Second, I’m all with you on trying not to buy multiples but rather aiming for variation. That said, jeans are the one item I definitely buy 2 of if I deeply adore a pair. That’s because jeans are so finicky and also because I wear them over multiple years. I find I wear them absolutely to death so that seems worth it. I usually get one pair and then wait for the second pair to go in sale, as that’s how long it takes for me to know I’ve found a good pair. Although I have noticed trends speeding up recently and that’s pissing me off. It doesn’t feel like a genuine trend if it lasts 5 minutes. I like to dig in for a few years. Also I’m just not interested in cycling back to skinny jeans any time soon. Slow it down! Thanks for the great article.
I’ve been very tempted to buy up everything I like from the Uniqlo U collection(AW24) designed by Lemaire (they’ve been doing them for almost 10 years) because there’s been talk going around that the line is not going to be continued since the focus is on Clare Wright Keller as artistic director. What’s holding me back is that 1) I’m quite stressed out by the idea of having even more clothes; 2) I want to limit how much I spend on big brands and 3) I have a budget I’m trying to stick to. And yet a part of me is like “this is your last chance! Buy it all!” But it’s true that something beautiful always comes along…
I’m gonna dissent & say yes buy multiples of things you love! I think the west coast mindset of MAHA/new age/The Secret/Abraham Hicks manifestation word salad that I’ve lived adjacent too and amongst for over 15 years has me bristling a bit at labeling this as “scarcity mindset” 😂 Why is being afraid a bad thing? But is it really a scarcity mindset when you and others like Virginia and Dacy point out that clothes just aren’t well designed or easy to find for real bodies?
I’ve also lived semi rurally my whole life, homesteaded for much of that time, part of which was on a hard to get to island so even trying to access clothes or goods was challenging so there was no guarantee -plus sensory issues also make me very glad for multiples. This is the exact reason I got on Poshmark for the first time in 2017 to find a second pair of secondhand jeans I’d found & loved. Just the other day I was complimenting my earlier self 🤪 for buying multiples in multiple size of my fave tank from Target - which I wear almost daily as a first layer & now they’ve altered it to such a point the reviews are terrible.
BUT THE DOG!!! Why have we not seen this gorgeousness before?
I too am working out my thoughts on multiples and seeing how they work for me. One thing I have realized - a big part thanks to your musings - is that I don't wear the same thing in different colors. Two pairs of the same pants in black? Yes. In black and in grey? Won't wear the grey ones.
That’s BUNNY! The color piece definitely complicates things for me, too!
I struggle with this so so much, especially pants! The era of high rise mom jeans had finally given me pants that fit and the new trends of mid and low rise give me BIG pants anxiety.
I'm curious what you consider to be "buying multiples"? Bc it sounds like you were thinking of buying the jeans in blue instead of black? Buying things in different colors and prints has usuallh worked out for me (I have several pairs of linen pants from Nettle studios and I think 4 flor dresses now), but it's when I buy the exact same thing in the same color that it doesn't usually work out. Like if Im putting pants with the tags still on up on the shelf in my closet for when the current ones die, that's no good. But if I find a good deal on a pair of pants that fit well, I'm definitely getting two colors haha.
Also what are the new jeans that are on fheir way to you now??
Great piece - I struggle with all of this as well. I often buy any pair of pants that will look remotely tailorable to my size/needs and often end up with “men’s” pants that I simply can’t Frankenstein down to my size. I just recently bought the Nettles Tale Campbell pant in both colours because I finally found something that works. I feel you. And now that I’m in two different types of therapy (lol) I’m starting to understand that a lot of my decisions are made by shame and fear and everything tangled up in there. Side note: I can’t believe how small your closet is in relation to what you do!! Did you ever find an organization solution or make any changes?
Thank you for sharing Goods Unite Us, I didn’t know about it!
I’ll be curious to know how you like it if you start using it !
Not Wray! This must have happened in the last few days, I was on their site recently!
Social media announcement last week :(
:(
THIS. Oh my God, this. You have identified and encapsulated the reason why I shop. This and the perfectionism native to my ADHD. Having lived with an impossible body for a long time -- I'm a rectangular apple with a long torso, and thank you JJill for being the first brand to have my back consistently! That feeling of NOTHING WILL FIT ME leads me to buy multiples of the same brand on many an occasion. Happily, I've been buying from Thredup.com for years now and there are lots of used items that fit just fine but the basic ANXIETY is still present.
Loved this post, and the perfect articulation of what I've been feeling for ages - which is that urge to buy more of something because it's so rare to find clothes that both fit my body and that I LOVE.
But one thing that I've noticed has been helping deprogram my brain on this front is thrifting. Every time is truly one of a kind, and I definitely won't find another? It's been fun to spend more time in 2025 thrifting (and less/no time buying new clothes) and seeing what comes up with this small change.