You Can't Outshop a Scarcity Mindset
The jeans I didn't buy
Most days lately I’ve pulled on a pair of loose black cargo jeans. Some mornings I have to pull them straight out of the dryer and some mornings they’re still on my floor from the night before. I’ve been wearing them almost every day because they are unbelievably comfortable. They have an elastic waist and a drawstring, but they feel more substantial than sweatpants. Despite wearing these pants more days in a row than I care to admit on the internet, I’ve been hesitant to buy another pair. I have a long history of buying multiples of the same item of clothing and it almost always ends up feeling like a mistake. I end up having more clothes than I need and than can fit in my closet. And when inevitably something shifts, I’m stuck with two (or three!) copies of an item that I now need to get rid of. Earlier this year I decided: No more buying multiples.
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Buying multiples is part of the scarcity mindset I live with as a fat person who likes clothes. Lots of plus size people have talked about this tendency. It’s rooted in our anxiety of not having the right thing to wear—because we so very often cannot find things in our size. Nicolette Mason described it like this on
:When people experience limited access to fashionable, well-fitting garments, especially those in less commonly available sizes, they often develop a heightened sense of urgency to acquire and retain any item that meets their needs.
I can literally see this fear manifesting in my closet. I haven’t worn a dress in years, and yet I have multiple dresses in my closet… just in case that changes and I suddenly need a dress? The fear that I might never be able to buy something nice again? The fear that I might need something I don’t have? The fear that I might be uncomfortable? The fear that I’m not good enough? Generalized uncertainty? And this anxiety isn’t helped by what feels like an epidemic of small brand closures. (RIP to Wray, the latest closure.) So, yes, my scarcity mindset is anxiety, but it’s also a common sense response to reality.
While I can see in my closet how buying multiples has failed me in the past, it’s also extremely tempting because buying multiples has felt like a necessary coping strategy for so long. In my imagination, having a second pair of these pants means I never have to be uncomfortable, I do laundry less often, and every shirt I own goes with either blue or black cargo pants.
As I’ve contemplated a second pair of the pants, I’ve been thinking about how often it feels like fear and anxiety are behind my shopping decisions. Not long after the election I was with a group of friends and the subject of guns came up. As in, whether we, a bunch of queer people, might want to arm ourselves. This conversation came up before I had read that article in the Washington Post. The idea made me queasy (because access to guns does not decrease the risk of homicide) but I couldn’t pinpoint why.
A few weeks later one of those friend sent me this article and I was really struck by this part about the fear:
Let's be extraordinarily generous and say a gun, a permit, and enough practice time to get comfortable shooting runs you $500. That money goes to people who have a vested interest in upholding the climate of fear that got you to buy the gun in the first place.
It’s not scarcity mindset that made me briefly consider buying a gun—but it is definitely fear—fear of a lack of personal safety. And gunmakers want us scared! Me being so terrified for my own security that I would consider buying a gun is simply better for their bottom line. It might seem extreme to compare buying a gun to buying a new pair of pants—they aren’t the same price and they don’t come with the same risks and responsibilities. But I do think both of these urges are driven by anxiety and fear and I think it’s worth noticing who profits when I’m scared and anxious, whether that fear is being defenseless against bodily harm or being uncomfortable in my own skin. And the same way that owning a gun might make me feel a sense of security while not actually making me less likely to die, owning two pairs of pants I love makes me feel momentarily secure while not actually addressing the fears at the root of my scarcity mindset.
On the other hand, fear doesn’t only drive me to buy more things—it also prevents me from buying things. I fear climate change and what the future will look like if it is left in the hands of billionaires, so I’ve stopped shopping at Amazon and Whole Foods and Target. I never know whether individual consumer choices actually make a difference, but this feels like a better way of channeling fear, by turning away from corporations who profit from it. I think the point is to make these choices collectively, and that our communal efforts will have a bigger impact.
Apps like Goods Unite Us run background checks on brands and companies so you can limit your spending to brands who aren’t lobbying against your interests in the hope that careful (and fearful?) shopping will have a purpose.
And then, because of course, the thing I feared happened. While I was trying to untangle my pants-related scarcity mindset from a genuine interest in another pair of these pants, the jeans I wanted sold out in my size. If I’m being honest… my immediate reaction was that I had made a HUGE mistake by not ordering them. What if I never find another pair of pants as comfortable!? But that’s fear talking, right? If there’s one thing I know about capitalism, it’s that there is always something just around the corner for me to want to spend money on. And just a few days later, someone mentioned to me their new favorite pair of pants—pants that feel like pajamas but look like Comme des Garçons. Pants that come in a 4X. They’re on their way to me now.
I’d love to know how fear and anxiety affect your spending (or not spending!)
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Special thank you to my friend Evelyn for editing help <3
I’m going to be thinking about “Who profits when I feel anxious/scared?” for a long time.
Thank you for linking to Lauren Theisen’s excellent Defector piece on whether we (queer folks, leftists) should be getting guns right now. One thing not listed in her article, but I hope folks take into account as they weigh whether or not to purchase one: the person you’re most likely to shoot with a gun is yourself. If folks are in such a fearful mindset that only a gun could solve it, they are not in the mindset to have a gun in their home. The risk is simply too great.