"I’m in a Constant State of Paralysis About What to Wear"
The Style Questionnaire with Former Professional Pastry Chef Bronwen Wyatt
I am so excited to share with you ‘s Style Questionnaire!
Maybe you have seen her marvelous cakes on Instagram? Full of texture and color and movement and layers, they are style inspirations in and of themselves.
But while I was ogling flower-topped frosting squiggles on Instagram, I grew to admire Bronwen’s sense of personal style. The 40-year-old former pastry chef is currently transitioning to a career in writing, consulting, and recipe developing and she lives in New Orleans in a shotgun double with her wife and father-in-law.
Bronwen’s newsletter, , is a great place to find recipes and musings on food and life in New Orleans. I especially loved her 2024 Ins & Outs list and I need someone to make me this for me ASAP. Bronwen also teaches classes—I’m dying for an excuse to take the dome cake class and I’ve heard great things about her seasonally available king cake class.
If you like reading about midlife crisis crop tops and medium femme, please become a paid supporter of Big Undies!
What are you wearing right now?
A sleeveless tank top I designed as merch for my now-closed cake business and a midi-length pleated black skirt (XXS-3X) with an elastic waistband from J. Crew. It sounds fancy but is machine washable so I wear it a lot when it’s hot. The tank is black and says “Bayou Saint Motorsports” on the back in electric blue.
What was the last item of clothing you bought?
After months of mulling it over I finally bought these carpenter jeans (XXS-6XL) from Big Bud Press that I’ve been eyeing. I also traded a blondie recipe for a hand dyed t-shirt that I’m obsessed with—the shirts are reworked secondhand pieces made by a former colleague of mine.
You have been shifting your work a bit, from cake making to writing. I’m curious how your wardrobe has shifted, too.
It’s shifted so much! I’m not a morning person, so when I used to have to wake up early for work I developed a personal uniform to make it easier to get out of the house. This always consisted of a pair of black joggers that I would buy from Costco, a sports bra, and a black t-shirt (brand would vary but they were never fancy). For shoes I alternated between Hokas and Danskos, and I’d wear knee-high compression socks from Comrad most days (their wide calf version is the only compression sock I’ve found that doesn’t hurt to wear). My clothing was always black because it would hide stains.
When I stopped baking full time, I assessed my wardrobe and realized almost all the clothing I’d been wearing day in and day out was falling apart. Since then, I’ve been trying to re-build my wardrobe in a slow and intentional way. I also turned 40 in December of last year, so I’ve been thinking a lot about my personal style moving forward. I’ve been wearing incredibly boring clothing for so long, and I really don’t want to do it anymore. For me, this has meant exploring how to incorporate a little more color and pattern in my clothes (not too much color, I’m a former punk kid). I still need to wear an elastic waistband most of the time, but I’m trying to wear more structured clothes instead of strictly athleisure. I’m also getting more into accessories, especially necklaces and chunky earrings.
I keep a running list on my Notes app of clothing I’m thinking about buying and I usually wait at least two months before taking the plunge. I also keep a list of outfits I’ve worn recently that made me feel myself (it’s like two outfits long, but I’m working on it). And then I have a third list of clothing that I need to repair or tailor to make it wearable. Last week I pulled all of the clothing out of my closet that I need to have altered or fixed in some way and there was shockingly little left, so my next big project is to tackle that.
If you had to wear a uniform (same thing every day) what would it be?
I’m a big fan of a personal uniform (obviously). I’d probably pick a loose and breezy black jumpsuit with either red Birkenstocks or these Onitsuka Tigers. I’d definitely wear my favorite necklace, a colorful beaded choker from the brand Eliou (similar.) I’ve been eyeing this jumpsuit (XXS-5X) from Fashion Brand Company.
Where did you get clothes as a kid? Describe a favorite childhood outfit.
My brother and I both grew like weeds (I’ve been 5’ 11’’ since I was thirteen years old), so my mom rarely spent very much money on clothing. We’d get our play clothes from Goodwill and wore uniforms to school. Occasionally she’d get dressier outfits from L.L. Bean. My favorite outfit as a kid was a teal jumpsuit with pink cuffs that my mom found secondhand somewhere.
Tell me about an item of clothing that you wear only to do a specific activity.
I have a beloved loose, sleeveless black tank top from Hanes that I wear to garden. It was left by one friend at another friend’s house probably close to a decade ago. I stole it and I’m never giving it back. It is soft and bleach stained and full of holes but it’s also got the perfect racerback neckline.
What does queer style look like to you?
I’m still figuring this out! I didn’t come out until my 30’s.
I’m not terribly feminine—I rarely wear makeup other than the occasional red lip and I still don’t really know how to style my hair other than braiding it or putting it in a bun—so I think I’d tentatively say I lean masc of center. On the other hand, I’ve got big tits and a big ass and masc outfits often literally don’t fit my proportions. My wife, a chapstick lesbian who never wears skirts or dresses, can get away with buying these chic button downs from men’s stores, while I can’t button them over my chest or stomach even in the largest sizes. Most of the time it’s just easier for me to wear a dress if I’m trying to be dressed up, or to wear a low-cut shirt to feel “sexy.” Even then, though, I’m not attracted to hyper feminine styles. I prefer a more structured silhouette, or I’ll wear a blazer over a dress to tone it down. I like having broad shoulders so a racerback tank makes me feel powerful and hot. I’ll also only wear black, white, or more saturated colors like red or indigo—soft colors or pastels really aren’t my thing.
Recently I got this giant oversized satin scrunchie from Room Shop and I’ve decided it gives big bisexual energy.
When I reached out to you about doing the style questionnaire, you said you had been thinking a lot about having a personal style in a changing and aging fat body and I would love to know what you’ve been thinking about.
I first became fat in my late thirties, and so along with that there have been a lot of adjustments as I learned to manage my internalized fatphobia and process feelings of shame (thank God for Aubrey Gordon). I am not the same weight as I was in 2020, and in the in between time I wore my aforementioned uniform of joggers and t-shirts every day. None of my pre-Covid clothing fits me anymore, and I’m still not entirely sure I know how to dress my new body. I also ruined my feet by standing on concrete floors all day for the majority of my career, so I have to be very careful about my footwear or I’ll be in excruciating pain.
I’m objectively interested in fashion as an industry, and I love to look at the way other people wear clothes. But every time I see an outfit that I think looks cool, I have to ask myself if it’s actually me. I really got in the weeds when trying to decide what to wear for my 2021 wedding—I ended up in a floofy veil and flower crown and low cut white dress because I thought the correct way to style a small fat bridal body was to go hyper femme. Looking back, I don’t really recognize that version of myself, and I’d go in a totally different direction today. (The dress is Amsale (size 00-28), veil is W Collective on Etsy and the shoes are Nomasei and now too small for me).
Then there’s the frustrating process of winnowing down whether or not this outfit I’m taking inspiration from is available in my size, or if that same outfit will still look good to me when paired with borderline orthopedic footwear. I’m a size 12 wide foot and it’s really hard to find cute, supportive, low-heeled shoes (saving up for Charlotte Stone). I know this process will feel very familiar to many of your readers, but I feel like I’m experiencing it at warp speed by trying to build a new wardrobe from basically scratch. I’ve found Pinterest to be totally useless in this regard (everyone looks the same!) so now I’m trying to follow fat people on Instagram for style inspiration instead (and to scope out where they buy their clothes).
I’m also struggling a lot with wanting to be an ethical consumer who has very little money to spend on clothing. Earlier this summer I had two business trips basically back to back that required me to have a business casual wardrobe. I had almost nothing that fit that bill so I panic-shopped at Old Navy. I bought my very first white button-down cotton shirt! The truth is I am still wearing those pieces and I genuinely like them, but I really don’t feel good about the fast fashion element of it. I used to wear a lot of Everlane, but now the biggest size in their range is way too small for me (and honestly fuck them for not prioritizing fat people in their “ethical mission”).
What did you wear to the last party or event you attended?
A black button-front vest as a top and straight-legged black jeans, both from Old Navy, with a pair of chunky fishermans sandals (can’t remember where they are from), and my aforementioned beaded choker from Eliou. The fisherman sandals were a mistake - not enough support and I was in pain for days, so they’ll be donated next time I make a Goodwill run. The vest I got is sold out but this is similar (XS-4X). I can’t really recommend the jeans—they bag out almost immediately and start sliding down my butt.
I’ve been getting a lot of mileage lately out of wearing that vest with nothing under it. It makes me feel like Shane from the L Word.
Tell me about an experience that changed your relationship to clothing or getting dressed.
When I was in elementary and middle school, I went to a private school that had a uniform, except they didn’t mandate what kind of shoes the kids wore. This meant having the “right” shoes became a really important status marker, and I could never, ever keep up. One time I wore my brand new pair of suede sneakers from Sketchers (I’d begged my mom to buy them) only to have a more popular girl sigh and tell me (this is verbatim, I will never forget it), “You always seem to get on a trend right when it’s already over.” I think to this day I have a lot of anxiety around trends and having the “right” clothing, coupled with a ton of discomfort around consumer culture and fast fashion. This basically means I’m in a constant state of paralysis about what to fucking wear.
Tell me about an accessory or piece of clothing that you lost or ruined but still think about.
Not to be dramatic but I lost the perfect burgundy leather jacket in Hurricane Katrina—my very first apartment out of college flooded during the storm and I actually lost all of my clothes but I still think about that leather jacket the most.
I also busted out the crotch on my favorite Osei Duro jumpsuit—I think the fabric is too damaged to repair but I’m going to see if a tailor can turn it into a shirt for me.
What’s your fall 2024 must have?
I am cautiously thinking about buying this dress (XS-4X) from Osei Duro to wear as a duster, or this set (XXS-3X with custom sizing available) from NorBlack NorWhite. We don’t really have a fall in New Orleans so I’m not generally buying cold weather clothing this time of year. My focus is still just slowly building up chic and comfy everyday clothing.
We’ve also been going through my father-in-law’s clothing and I’ve found several incredible 90’s era shirts from his various softball teams. I love the collegiate/sporty feel of having a number on your sleeve: it makes me feel like the sports dyke I never was. The best one is this one, from a team that was sponsored by a hot dog restaurant. I want to wear it tucked into a slinky skirt (similar, XS-4x). And yes I stole it without asking but I don’t think he’s thought about it in twenty years, so its fine!
Who do you think has good style?
I love the way Harling Ross dresses even though I would personally wear almost none of it—I think she has a really interesting eye for proportion and for mixing casual and formal pieces in one outfit. She also inspired me to grow my hair out really long, using the length as a fun accessory in itself. I subscribe to her newsletter but will probably unsubscribe from the paid version soon because none of the clothing she links comes in my size and it’s depressing.
I recently found Emma Specter through her stylist, Sophie Strauss, and I love following both of them. Sophie is so smart about re-working vintage and combining different elements into one outfit. I find her Instagram so informative, and then I get to see her philosophy play out on a fat body by seeing what Emma wears. It’s so helpful! I’m also obsessed with every outfit Michelle Buteau wore on season one of Survival of the Thickest, and Jordan Underwood is my Gen Z style inspo (also his dancing videos bring me SO much joy).
Anything else you want to tell us about getting dressed?
Just that I’m excited for when it’s actually cooler here and I can wear my fave Princess Diana look (bike shorts, vintage sweatshirt, crew socks and sneakers).
Thanks, Bronwen! Follow Bronwen on Instagram and subscribe to
for writing, recipes, news about classes, and more!I’d love to know what you thought about this style questionnaire in the comments.
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Loved this interview. She hits on so many relatable thoughts. I really resonate with finding looks on others that you really like but not being able to parse out if they are your own style or just for appreciation at a distance.
I would also be curious for her “borderline orthopedic” shoe recommendations. Because I’m in the same boat and while I am die hard for some birks I can’t wear open toe to work.
I love this today!!! It makes me feel good when someone who looks so put together (like Bronwen!!) says she has problems figuring out what to wear (like me--a misfit toy!). And holy smoke, those CAKES!!!!! I don't know if I want them more because they're beyond beautiful, or because I really want to eat them! I want to fill my house with this artistry! I wish I had framed prints of some of these, seriously <3