Fixing Icks in Style with Em Seely-Katz

Thoughts on making peace with your most problematic clothes.

While I am “out of office” this week, I sent Em Seely-Katz a few wardrobe-related thoughts that have been bugging me. IMHO, Em Seely-Katz has PhD-level understanding of design details and a way of talking about clothes that is always enlightening to me!

It was a real joy to get their take on vests, darts, collars, floofy shirts, and MORE. Subscribe to Esque for more of Em’s brilliance!

Em Seely-Katz is a writer, editor, stylist, and whatever-pays-the-rent-er currently living in Portland, OR after a decade in NYC and Buenos Aires. Their work focuses on fashion fixations, fragrance, and maintaining a sense of levity about these luxuries in such a harrowing world (without sticking their head in the sand). They are always open to freelance writing, editing, and styling gigs, and you can reach them at emseely@gmail.com or @that.esque on Instagram.

We all have those pieces lurking in our closets: the shirt that always feels off no matter how we style it, the blouse that seduces us online only to disappoint the second it’s in-hand, the vest that seems like it should make us look hot but instead imparts the strange sensation of having wandered out of a community theater production of Newsies during intermission. In conversation with Corinne’s wardrobe weirdnesses, dive with me into that murky space between attraction and aversion, between loving the concept of a garment and hating its actual impact on your body. From the surprisingly strategic nature of buttoning to the tragic fall of a floofy blouse, we’re working through wardrobe misgivings with curiosity, not shame. This isn’t a closet cleanse—as in any relationship, sometimes the problem isn’t you or the button-up, it’s the minefield of dubious dynamics that lies in between.

BUTTONING BUTTON DOWNS

CORINNE: Okay, lately I find that buttoning buttondowns at the top and leaving the bottom open looks cool to me, but leaving the top open does not. Thoughts??

I like THESE:

via Torrid & Urban Outfitters

Don’t like these:

Kallmeyer on Ssense & Chava Studio

On me:

top buttoned vs bottom buttoned

EM: I think it’s just straight-up sexier to wear button-ups with a few buttons undone at the bottom? Something about it gives Dead Wife Tangled in the Bedsheets Flashback—it feels like you quickly threw on the shirt just to make yourself decent. It captures the louche appeal of a beach cover-up or pajamas, emphasizing the fact that if you could get away with it, you wouldn’t be sporting the shirt at all, and if you decide to, you’re but a few buttons away from sweet escape.

I think with collared shirts, it’s best to leave two or three buttons undone at the top as well, making sure that more buttons are undone under the fastened ones than over—as in the Urban Outfitters photo. We are trying to avoid trench coat buttoned to the TOP syndrome here in which the collar itself is buttoned while everything below it flies open. This can make one look like, in the immortal words of that random Lily-Rose Depp hater, a "big headed bitch” as it essentially creates a triangle upon which one’s head seems to be impaled. See?

I do think that a collarless top, ideally a cardigan, can work with the very top button fastened, as per this lovely look (apparently, this was a Hadid-approved style “hack” in 2021? Okay). It’s a retro styling that sort of cape-ifies the sweater and since there’s no collar, the looser neckline isn’t bobblehead bait, though it’s fairly explicitly feminine, while the collared styling has a lot more androgynous charm. I’d feel good styling the collared version with a skirt or more fitted pants, whereas with the cardigan, I’d be prone to wear baggy jeans exclusively.

DARTS

C: I thought I didn’t like chest darts, because I assumed they would draw unwanted attention to my chest, but when I was trying on two shirts with darts and two shirts without, and……. I do actually think the shirts with darts fit better or drape better. I don’t know! Curious what you think about chest darts!

With darts:

Without darts:

E: I think you like the darts because the shirts you’ve chosen are otherwise pretty masculine and take the masculinity from beleaguered office worker masculine to boy at Wes Anderson summer camp masculine. This isn’t because of any specific costume I can recall off the top of my head, but rather because adding darts to a top adds a retro structural component to the shirt that is similar to the function of dual buttoned chest pockets as seen in Moonrise Kingdom (and in stock photos of Boy Scouts-like posses). It’s almost like adding textural stripes to the shirt. The darts I’m wary of are the super dramatic 50s-esque diagonal ones designed to augment an “hourglass” shape. These can be fun if you’re going for an Ann-Margret in Bye Bye Birdie kind of near-parodic femininity (I’m not projecting, this gender play is in the text!), but for a casual button-up look, can skew too-horny school secretary. If you’re starting from an already more masculine shape, like that of one of the button-ups you shared, the darts can be a perfect balancer to the gendered aspects of the top.

With shirts like the ones you shared that don’t have darts, consider adding structure with, and hear me out, a sash. Playing up the Boy Scout angle of a formless button-up will add a lot of energy and unique shape to the shirt that isn’t just a very conventional Cosmo treatment involving belting or pinning–the goal isn’t to shrink the body, it’s to give it more up-and-down motion so the outfit doesn’t stagnate around the torso. Sashes have been randomly trending this year in their more feminine, pageant-y iteration a la Charli XCX, and are easy enough to find in customizable form (for the cheeky, freaky among us) or to fashion out of a scarf or other strip of fabric, but what about a vintage scout sash? A surprisingly reasonably priced leather bandolier for a more masculine freak, or, uh, a spool bandolier for sewists or Alice in Wonderland otakus? This bandolier is my favorite of the bunch–less militant but just as utilitarian, with tons of space to attach carabiners, pouches, scarves, etc. If you think I’m insane and are firmly anti-sash, a small but long-strapped crossbody bag will adjust the drape and texture of a dart-less shirt just as well without feeling as risky, style-wise, as a more avant-garde sash. I do think the sash is an interesting option, though! Related, though not the same, is this genderless silk scarf styling trick that could also add shape and dimension to a staid shirt.

FLOOFY SHIRTS

C: I’m constantly eyeing big, floofy shirts. They look comfortable and easy to wear. But then I can never figure out how to wear them and when I like them and when I don’t.

These Doen ones are a good example of what I’m thinking of. In the photos they pair them with like basic jeans or tailored pants, they seem like they should be able to skew more androgynous—but idk, maybe they are too flowy? What am I looking for??

This one is another one I’ve had sitting in a cart for months… I probably wouldn’t wear it… but there is something about it that is calling to me? Or even like this type of thing?

Here are two I have in my closet that I can’t quite figure out:

I like the longsleeve one better!

E: I find it funny that the Doen blouse you linked is called the “Jane,” as I suspect it aspires toward Austenian romance as per Colin Firth’s iconically soaked top from the OG Pride and Prejudice adaptation. Both the Doens’ lack of collars revokes any balancing masculinity the Darcy association could have brought to the table, rendering the tops a bit too Beach House Mom (think Susannah [RIP] from The Summer I Turned Pretty) for my liking. With oversized shirts, even ones with qualities that situate them firmly in the femininity of a “blouse,” I believe a touch of rakish masculinity imparts a low-key sexiness that looks better on people of any gender ID.

We talked a bit about how certain design choices seem to have been made in the name of making ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that this is a WOMAN’S SHIRT for WOMEN (e.g. lack of collar–yes, men’s Regency work shirts often went sans collar, but nothing that posh Darcy would’ve been caught soaked in), but this neuters the garment both in the straight way, as it doesn’t have a touch of that “Borrowed From His Closet” je ne sais quoi, and in the gay way, as it strays too far from the Butch light. Is it psychotic to suggest a custom, made-to-order men’s Regency costume shirt??? This one is under $50 but it’s a cotton-poly blend–I am 100% sure someone’s local tailor would love to make one in linen (patterns abound). There are also plenty of cotton and linen options at a slightly higher price point across cosplay sites and Etsy (this one’s still under $150). Searching “poet shirt” also seems fruitful–here’s another custom option for a good price range, and I’d message to make sure, but it seems to be hewn in cotton!

Re: the ones you own, I think the reason you like the one and not the other is threefold: the one you don't like is seemingly the kind of crisp cotton that shows wrinkles REALLY well while the one you do is a more diaphanous, sheeny fabric that makes it feel like wrinkles are a feature, not a bug; the one you don't like has the peplum that kind of signifies Baby's Christening Dress while the one you do has a contemporary, mature cocoon kind of shape that doesn't feel little girlish at all (an easy trap for these floofy white Doen-ish pieces to fall into); and thirdly, the one you don't like has sleeves that collapse like pancakes against your arms while the one you do has sleeves that seem to maintain some volume and structure that makes it feel like the shirt is gently alighting upon you instead of in the beginning stages of vacuum sealing you in.

The reason the collarlessness works in the top you like is that the shirt is many layers of abstraction away from the Darcy classic: it’s more like an insect’s membranous casing than a gesture toward Regency romance, so I see it as in a different category than the Doens. It reminds me of these balloon/bubble shirts from COS, now discontinued–I’ve owned both colors (see below, got them for free at an event I crashed, LOL). I’d say for this collarless cocoon category, go with either a subtle placket like the one on your blouse, or no buttons at all as per mine, and make sure the fabric is sheeny and translucent rather than starchy and matte. You’re almost trying to veer into cape territory, if that makes sense?

TLDR: Floofy shirt either needs sturdy masculine romance or floaty buglike abstraction. Anything else will careen into Baby’s Christening Dress or Beach House Mom territory.

VESTS

C: Okay, what is going on with vests? I keep thinking I want one, but can’t quite get it right. I keep thinking, as a queer person, I must wear a vest. I will feel really HOT in a vest. Right? But then when I wear them, it’s not working for me! But I can’t pinpoint why!

Like, okay, here are three I’ve considered buying:

Universal Standard

Wild Fang

Noble

Maybe this is a little better, right? But is it even a vest?

And here is the one I currently have in my closet, from Connally Goods:

E: I actually think the Connally Goods vest works really well on you, and I believe it’s because of the collar. The collarless, V-neck vests you linked suffer from what I consider “gender overcompensation,” which occurs when a product typically associated with one binary gender is marketed toward the other and it is assumed that the gender marketed toward will want visual signals that the product is in FACT MEANT for them to wear, none of this queer, gender-agnostic tomfoolery, thankyouverymuch! It’s why the early-mid 2000s saw a lot of celebrities such as Fergie wearing so-called “vests” designed to look as if the bust were bursting out of them, why “women’s” jeans typically feature a much shorter fly zipper as if to say “no dick here, folks!!!!!!! Swear!!!” though it looks ugly as all hell (more on that here), and why “men’s” perfume is colloquially (usually incorrectly) called “cologne” and named things like “Viking” and “Spicebomb.”

Because the collarless vests are so obviously referencing the masculine waistcoats of yore, they are, as you pointed out, too contoured (not quite Fergie-level, which at least boasts some camp!). I think they are also a little too associated with the “Hey Mamas” lesbian archetype at this point, the garment equivalent of a thick chain necklace, so the gendered aspect of these more traditional, V-neck vests is all weird. That Noble top escapes the same fate because it’s an iteration of the Beaufille top everyone and their gay brother was wearing in NYC a few summers ago and it’s very obviously straying from the waistcoat blueprint. Same goes for your collared vest, no one would try to wear that with a three-piece suit. The Eileen Fisher thing is just a tank top with buttons, but I think that in any case, avoiding a V-neck (unless it’s collared like this beauty by Palestinian brand Nol Collective), button-up vest is the main takeaway here. Either wear a v-neck sweater vest or a button-up crewneck vest if you’re worried about looking like a baby gay, shvitzing so much they had to take their shirt off from under their vest at their Bar Mitzvah afterparty.

JEAN FLY

C: We’ve talked about this, but what exactly is it about the difference between “men’s jeans” and “women’s jeans” that makes the former so much better than the latter for all genders?

E: I’ve written about this on my blog, Esque, but basically, traditional “men’s jeans” (which you can often see modeled by the likes of Aaron Levine) have a single quality that sets them far apart from “women’s jeans”: the fly extends all the way down to the “vanishing point” of the crotch instead of cutting off mid-pelvis. If you can’t tell what I’m talking about, check out these versus these. This extension elongates the line of the torso in a rakish way, mirrors and emphasizes the length of the legs in a balancing fashion, and looks a lot less uptight than traditionally feminine jeans. The only reason I can think of to create women’s jeans in this odd fashion (besides saving fractions of pennies on zipper length) is, again, rooted in gender anxiety: as if to prove one doesn’t have a penis, the crotch is sewn up and the zipper rendered emphatically performative as opposed to a necessary junk outlet.

example of a short fly

Aside from the obviously narrow-minded vision of femininity this upholds, it’s ugly, not to mention simply impractical: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve squatted over a foreboding Porta-Potty seat, panicking because my jeans wouldn’t unzip enough for a swift dump-and-run. I nurse the hope that one day, pee funnels for people with vaginas will become What’s In My Bag regulars for situations like the dreaded portable toilet, gnarly public restrooms, sticky camping situations, and so forth. And if they ever do, god knows we’ll need to be able to unzip just as far as the bedicked do. Levi’s and Gap have noticed this trend toward fly length parity and their recent crops of women’s denim have been far superior to the slop they served us ten years back, but I still find that a vintage pair of “men’s” denim makes me feel how no “women’s” can: like a freaking winner (or, even better, Dale Earnhardt).

COLLARS

C: I also wanted to think about collars, but I don’t even really know where to start with that one.

Maybe here:

E: I think the problem that you had with that shirt definitely stemmed from the fact that the collar stands so far away from the neck it gives David Byrne, but I kind of like the drama and humor of that stark stiffness. For a quick fix if you didn’t want to get rid of a shirt like that, I’d recommend tying a bandana loosely and messily around your neck like so to bridge the gap between neck and shirt, but if that style just isn’t for you, avoid button-ups with top buttons more than a half inch below your collarbone. They are typically guilty of the gender overcompensation thing I mentioned above, which leads to odd fits and strange details (WTF was that elastic in the cuffs?), and they typically don’t layer well because the collar pulls down the collar of whatever is slipped on over it. They also usually look weird if they’re not fully buttoned in every hole, drastically lowering their styling versatility. Stick to more traditionally masculine collars like these, and then just keep the top few buttons open as discussed above to widen and soften the collar’s framing of your neck. A camp shirt is a great fast track to a non-fussy but still put-together collar situation, too. I do love that flippy crossover thing you did with the shirt you didn’t like’s collar–more to explore there for sure, as is there with layering collars (another trick you could have used to fill in the neck space that felt awkward), and I need you (all) to know that there is a whole dang world of gorgeously complex, sculptural collars out there that completely buck the need for these considerations. Here is a great place to start looking for those.

Thanks again to Em Seely-Katz! If you like this post, you should definitely subscribe to Esque.

I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments!

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